She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
