It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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