no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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