I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
