If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I AM VODKA MAN
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
