Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
