he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
