Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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