I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
