he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
