He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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