I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
