Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want to make a zoo with you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
