So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I skipped work to stalk him.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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