Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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