Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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