Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
