is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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