Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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