did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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