I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
