You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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