is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
