More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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