drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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