I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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