You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
