You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I AM VODKA MAN
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
