im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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