I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
