dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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