Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
