What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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