Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
only you would photoshop your dick
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
