still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
