Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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