I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
