Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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