Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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