All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
