I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
