On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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