i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
