The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
