i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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