Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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