Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
