Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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