don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
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If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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