Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
