You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
