Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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