So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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