This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
