you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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