I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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