My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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