What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
