I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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