i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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