Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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