Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
