So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
