Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
