Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
