I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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