Where is the hickey?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
