i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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