i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
