he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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