Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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