you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize