Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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