Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got inside last night via doggy door
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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