Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
