i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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