My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
