You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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