So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
