Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
