I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
