my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
