Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you inspire me to be a worse person
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
