he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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