I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
