Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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